Across the Room

HAPPY NEW YEARS! It’s officially a new decade and we’re gonna start it off right with what has become one of my favorite songs (maybe) of all time.

So today I watched a 2020 prediction based on your zodiac sign (based on your sun, moon, and rising signs). Sis read me for FILTH in the video lmao. Her direct messages that I took away from each of my signs were: “You’re going to be forced into groups to build your creative spark”, “In order for you to cope with your anxiety, you will feel the need to do selfless deeds”, “You’re unhappy in your situation because you are doing something that doesn’t fulfill you. Go after what you are really passionate about!” , “Your fears are unnecessary. You will have some losses but it’s to build you up so you can be rewarded in the future.”, and finally “Stop being afraid of the future”. The last three really caused me to tear up because she hit the nail right on the head. I AM afraid of the future. I AM fearful about losses that I could take if I go after what really excites me. I AM in a place, in this case a major, that isn’t as fulfilling to me as music is. I’m stuck in this immobile headspace and feeling where I wanna do music, but I’m holding myself back because I’m so afraid of failure and the future. I’m so damaging to myself and my esteem when I could be going after something that truly makes me happy. I noticed this has caused me to lose the spark for music that I usually have. I used to get so excited about music but now I question if I’m really meant to do it (when I’ve known for most of my life that I AM meant to).

In “across the room”, Sky sings about a person that she loves. To apply it to my life right now, I think about the person as music.  I love music, it’s captivated me since the beginning. I’m still afraid to fall for it completely because will it really comfort me when I need it to? I’ve been trying to run away from it for so long but we’re destined to be together. And it’s still there for me even when I neglect it. (Edit: now that I’m rereading, this song is also parallel to my relationship with God). So why am I so afraid that it will fail me? It could be the anxiety talking. Telling me everything I can’t do and how music won’t take care of me.

It’s going to take A LOT of self-reflection, unlearning, hard work, and dedication for me to get rid of this habit and work on getting better at my music. I feel like I say this every single time but I think it’s really sunken in now. I really wanna get that spark back into this relationship and do what I’m meant to do.

I wish that you will accomplish all the goals you’ve set for 2020! This is our year guys.

-AH