So lemme start off first by saying that this post has been in my drafts for like 3 weeks lmao. At the time, I listened to the Rap Radar podcast and they interviewed Jay about 4:44. I never knew how I wanted to attack this song or this post, but I finally got my thoughts together. When my boyfriend first played this for me, I didn’t really pay attention to it (mainly bc i’m not the biggest Jay fan). But, when I finally listened on my own, my mind was blown (own…blown…thats a bar lowkey LMAO). Now, I find myself listening to this most often on the bus. For all my black people reading this, you know that moment when it’s only one other black person in the vicinity and a white person do something stupid and y’all make eye contact and shake ya head? That’s what going to a PWI is like 24/7. In my 3 years at RU, I haven’t had more than 5 black people in my classes at once (unless it was an Africana Studies class lol). Sometimes it’s even like that on the buses. That’s why I find myself listening to this there the most. It’s kind of a reminder that I will always be the bottom of the totem pole (aka i will always be a black women and will always be treated as such) and if I wanna be great, i’ll have to work twice as hard to get there because of my skin. Sad I know, but I have the grave feeling that that will never change. I’m not gonna lie, I’m lowkey tired of gravitating toward the other black person in the class when it’s time to pair up because it’s comfortable and we gotta stick together. Then again, white people are unpredictable, at PWIs especially. You never know who is racist, who votes for Trump, etc. When will America be safe again?…wait, it was never safe for us.
-AH
The Soundtrack to My Anxiety 