I finally made it back to wordpress lmao. As of now, I’m all moved into my apartment at Rutgers, and classes start on tuesday. It really feels like I have abandoned y’all but believe me, it wasn’t on purpose. I literally thought about writing everyday but I felt like I needed to take a break to prove to myself that writing is an outlet for me (plus I needed to get everything ready for move in). And I can fully say that it is…due to some of the heavy weight being lifted off my chest as I write this (this means that this will be a long one lol). I write to you today as a somewhat changed woman because of this album right here lmao. Freudian by Daniel Caesar is literally the music that I want to create in this lifetime. Sonically, it has been everything I have been looking for (the alien-ish sounds at the beginning of Hold Me Down, the harmonies in all the songs, the various acoustic instruments that blend perfectly with the synths, and the reversed guitar and gospel chorus’ in the last track). But, much to my disappointment, this isn’t going to be a album review…I’m going to actually talk about what I’ve been feeling. At first I thought Danny boy was talking about God in the last track, but of course I realized that was wrong as soon as he said “Babe, I know I fucked up” lmao. But I’m gonna take this ideology and run with it and ultimately thank God for everything. The lyrics say:

You are the reason
The reason I sing
I have to preserve you
Cause you’re my everything


I just want to thank you for saving my life, Yes
I just want to thank you for all your advice
You are the reason, the reason I’m alive
I must bring you honour
If I don’t, I’d die

I’ve had time over these past two weeks to reflect over my life and I realized how much God has done for me over the years. He kept me though this heart disease that most babies die from. He gave me this gift of music and singing that I can’t thank him enough for. He literally saved me when I almost decided to kill myself and end it all. He is keeping me through my reoccurring depression and anxiety. He gave me advice through the people that I look up to and love. God has literally been beside me through everything. I don’t know how I would be alive without Him. So God, if you’re somehow reading this, I wanna thank you for being the father that I didn’t have the opportunity to have. I love you unconditionally, and I promise to bring you honor. Because anxiety doesn’t control me, right?




Author: soundtrackofmyanxiety

adriana | 21 | MD & NJ | Just a girl with anxiety trying to find a way to her dreams

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