Blessed

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I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling so uninspired to do anything these past couple days. But since I’m up at almost 6 am for no reason, I figured I might as well write. I spent friday and saturday just doing some self eval with my boyfriend and one of my best friends (separately of course bc of the different opinions). It just made me realize how blessed I am to have people in my life that love and support me through this unsure time (hence the song lmao). I have a very small group of friends right now, which isn’t a bad thing at all in my opinion. That number gets smaller when I think about how many people actually know everything about me, struggles and all. Each of them always handle my baggage differently. My boyfriend is the most supportive, always letting me talk his ear off in order to help me understand why I am the way I am and then offers me the wisest advice ever. My best friend is the most empathetic, she understands me the most because often times enough she’s going through the same thing at the same time. And then my other best friends (RU RAH RAH lol) are the most assertive, always trying to push me to do what they know I want to do. Sometimes that makes me uncomfortable because I don’t know myself. How can I write and create music without knowing how to successfully put my thoughts into phrases and words? How can I create something that is supposed to represent me when I don’t know who I am? I know they do it out of love, but I don’t think they can fully understand because they ARE writers. I will gladly accept all the pushing though because I love them and they make me want to explore myself so I can get to the place they want me to be at. The biggest part is that all of these people believe in me and I love them for it. I may not be moving at the pace they want me to move but I will not stop trying because they are fighting for me to win. I appreciate all of you guys so much (you know you are)! The roadblock in my life won’t be here forever, it WILL be defeated eventually. Because it’s just my anxiety, right?

-AH

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Author: soundtrackofmyanxiety

adriana | 20 | MD & NJ | Just a girl with anxiety trying to find a way to her dreams

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