Waste

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Whenever I listen to this song (I love love love Brockhampton, check them out, they’re hella slept on and hella talented), I think about my past friendships. I feel like breaking up with friends is somewhat worse than a breakup with your significant other. A friend is supposed to be there for you, support you in everything you do, and just be someone you can lean on. But what happens when you find out you befriended the wrong person? This is where my problem lies. You think you know this person, and yeah they have their issues but you continue to trust and love them because they’re your friend, or so you think. Then, they turn on you in the most unexpected way possible. You feel so hurt and angry at them and at yourself (10x as much if you’re an introvert) because you let them under your skin and they reiterated that everyone in this world is bad. How do you forgive and forget this person who meant so much to you? I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m over my ex-friends because I’m not. I want to forget about everything they’ve done to me but I can’t seem to let it go. It’s like those angry feelings just linger deep down and they never go away. I think it’s because I haven’t been able to forgive them for hurting me. I mean, I’ll always have love for them and wish them nothing but the best, but I just can’t  seem to let go of those grudges. I want to be able to just get over it and glow up on them all and make them feel bad about doing me wrong. In a way, this blog is meant to help me glow up and grow to be a stronger person. And I feel like I’ve become more stable and more myself since i started it. But deep down, I also worry about what people think of me. I come off with this don’t give a fuck attitude but I can’t stand when someone I care about doesn’t like me. I’m always questioning and apologizing: “I’m nice enough right? Then why don’t they like me?” “I never did anything wrong…What?” “I’m so so so sorry, just please be cool with me again”. But this just my anxiety talking, right?

-AH

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Author: soundtrackofmyanxiety

adriana | 20 | MD & NJ | Just a girl with anxiety trying to find a way to her dreams

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